WOULD I SCHOPENHAUER YOUR PRIDE AND PREJUDICE?
Mini Radio Script by Liliana Widocks
SCENE 1 INT: A RADIO STATION, THE EVENING SHOW
6.00 PM, A THURSDAY BECAUSE ON FRIDAY EVERYBODY RECONCILES AT THE PUB
FX: THE FIRST FEW LINES FROM F.R. DAVID’S SONG “WORDS”
A MAN IN HIS FIFTY’S
HIS SON BOBBY, SHY SIXTEEN
THE HOST OF THE SHOW
MISS, A YOUNG WOMAN, THE DIRECTOR OF THE PROGRAM
THE HOST: A good evening to all good people who chose to listen instead of fighting over the remote control. Here, with us are …
A MAN: (SIGHING DEEPLY) Just a man … and my son
Bobby. I only came to say that I’m an idiot. My wife
left me. That’s all I have to say, I would have much
preferred to spell the facts for her ears only but
life stings. Thank you, Sir. Goodbye!
BOBBY: It was really necessary to make a fool of
yourself in front of so many people? You’re not
even drunk! Couldn’t you just tell that you love
A MAN: (WHISPERING) Nobody can’t see me, son … (LOUDER) and anyway, none of my friends are listening to this show. Not that I know. (A FEW SECONDS OF SILENCE) O! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it to sound that way. I’m doing everything wrong, don’t I?
MISS: Sir, your friends called from the pub to say that
they heartily agree.
A MAN: I’ll be …Think about it, son, before this evening I was just an insignificant, domesticated idiot, now I’m a public one. I bet your mum enjoys this show!
BOBBY: Enough, dad! She didn’t leave you, she’s at her
A MAN: She’s at her sister? So, she’s not with Professor mmmmmm … (MUMBLING INCOMPREHENSIBLY)
BOBBY: (EXASPERATED) No, dad, she’s at her sister’s
salon doing her hair!
A MAN: Didn’t they quarrel over Jane Eyre’s cowardice or something?
BOBBY: It seems to me that is you the one she’s not on speaking terms with, dad. (GIGGLING)
A MAN: So, I was right, I’m an idiot!
MISS: Sir, your wife also called the radio station. She’s
over the moon that you were brave enough to
speak the truth. She’s coming back home.
A MAN: Thank you, Miss. Honey? Honey, if you’re still there, I want you to know how much I love you, if only …
BOBBY: (A BIT ANXIOUS) Daaad …
A MAN: If only … just for tonight, wouldn’t you rather not cook any of those feminist theories of yours for dinner? (PLEADINGLY) Pleeease …
BOBBY: I can’t believe you said that!
A MAN: All right! All right! Sweetheart, I promise I’ll not mention Freud either.
FX: FOOTSTEPS, DOOR OPENING, DOOR CLOSING.
BOBBY: Hi Debbie, if you’re listening, I want you to know that I’m an idiot too. Would you mind going to a movie tonight? (CLOWNISH) My parents are again in that sophisticated mood!
THE HOST: And that was Hamlet, still Jung, much happier ever after. Good night.