WOULD I SCHOPENHAUER YOUR PRIDE AND PREJUDICE?

         WOULD I SCHOPENHAUER YOUR PRIDE AND PREJUDICE?

                                 Mini Radio Script by Liliana Widocks

SCENE 1                   INT: A RADIO STATION, THE EVENING SHOW

                                  6.00 PM, A THURSDAY BECAUSE ON FRIDAY EVERYBODY RECONCILES AT THE PUB

FX: THE FIRST FEW LINES FROM F.R. DAVID’S SONG “WORDS”

A MAN IN HIS FIFTY’S

HIS SON BOBBY, SHY SIXTEEN

THE HOST OF THE SHOW

MISS, A YOUNG WOMAN, THE DIRECTOR OF THE PROGRAM

THE HOST:                A good evening to all good people who chose to listen instead of fighting over the remote control. Here, with us are …

A MAN:                       (SIGHING DEEPLY) Just a man … and my son

                                   Bobby. I only came to say that I’m an idiot. My wife

                                   left me. That’s all I have to say, I would have much

                                   preferred to spell the facts for her ears only but           

                                   life stings. Thank you, Sir. Goodbye!

BOBBY:                      It was really necessary to make a fool of

                                   yourself in front of so many people? You’re not                                                                                            

                                   even drunk! Couldn’t you just tell that you love  

                                   her?

A MAN:                      (WHISPERING) Nobody can’t see me, son … (LOUDER) and anyway, none of my friends are listening to this show. Not that I know. (A FEW SECONDS OF SILENCE) O! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it to sound that way. I’m doing everything wrong, don’t I?

BOBBY:                      Dad!!!

MISS:                          Sir, your friends called from the pub to say that

                                    they heartily agree.

A MAN:                      I’ll be …Think about it, son, before this evening I was just an insignificant, domesticated idiot, now I’m a public one. I bet your mum enjoys this show!

BOBBY:                      Enough, dad! She didn’t leave you, she’s at her        

                                   sister.

A MAN:                      She’s at her sister? So, she’s not with Professor mmmmmm … (MUMBLING INCOMPREHENSIBLY)

BOBBY:                      (EXASPERATED) No, dad, she’s at her sister’s          

                                   salon doing her hair!

A MAN:                      Didn’t they quarrel over Jane Eyre’s cowardice or something?

BOBBY:                      It seems to me that is you the one she’s not on speaking terms with, dad. (GIGGLING)

A MAN:                      So, I was right, I’m an idiot!

MISS:                          Sir, your wife also called the radio station. She’s             

                                   over the moon that you were brave enough to

                                   speak the truth. She’s coming back home.

A MAN:                      Thank you, Miss. Honey? Honey, if you’re still there, I want you to know how much I love you, if only …

BOBBY:                      (A BIT ANXIOUS) Daaad …

A MAN:                      If only … just for tonight, wouldn’t you rather not cook any of those feminist theories of yours for dinner? (PLEADINGLY) Pleeease …

BOBBY:                      I can’t believe you said that!

A MAN:                      All right! All right! Sweetheart, I promise I’ll not mention Freud either.

                                   FX: FOOTSTEPS, DOOR OPENING, DOOR CLOSING.

BOBBY:                      Hi Debbie, if you’re listening, I want you to know that I’m an idiot too. Would you mind going to a movie tonight? (CLOWNISH) My parents are again in that sophisticated mood!

THE HOST:                And that was Hamlet, still Jung, much happier ever after. Good night.

                                  END